


Home Away From Home

by plumeria47



Category: Valdemar Series - Mercedes Lackey
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 15:56:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8584570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plumeria47/pseuds/plumeria47
Summary: Yfandes helps an exhausted and heartsore Vanyel find some comfort during their time on the Karsite border.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aansero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aansero/gifts).



> Many thanks to Gryvon for betaing when I begged, despite my being a complete stranger.
> 
> Set shortly before _Magic's Promise_. Contains references to Tylendel's death and Tylendel/Vanyel's prior relationship, but there is no current shippiness.

Vanyel Ashkevron – Shadowstalker and Demonsbane – was exhausted.

Not that this was anything new. He could no longer remember the last time he _hadn't_ been exhausted. 

Honestly, he should have felt elated. He'd finally managed to corner the necromancer who had used Mardic and Donnie's deaths for his nefarious arts, and had rebounded the man's curse back on Karse....

 _Curse on Karse_. His brain abruptly latched on to the cadence. _Try saying_ that _five times fast._

_Curse on Karse_  
Curse on Karse  
Curse on Karse-- 

_:Vanyel!:_

He blinked. _:Sorry, 'Fandes::_ he thought sheepishly. _:Apparently I've finally lost my grip on sanity.:_

His Companion's ears flicked in gentle amusement. _:I'm fairly sure you're not insane. Just punchy.:_

Which brought him back to his initial thought: he was even more exhausted than he'd realized, if he was getting punchy. Normally, that only happened when he'd had too much wine, which was almost never. And out here, on the Karsite border, he was lucky to have dirt-clouded water, much less anything as decadent as wine. 

And speaking of dirt-clouded water – Vanyel reached down for the leather flask he had unpacked from his saddlebags. He took a sip, not bothering to make a face at the flavor. He'd passed that moment a long time ago – now, it was just a fact that the gritty water would taste disgusting. At least it wasn't making him sick. At least he had managed to stay alive long enough to drink the Karsite water.

That sobered him quickly. _Alive._ He was alive, when so many of his fellow Herald-Mages were gone. He paused in brushing Yfandes' sides and leaned his head against her comforting warmth as his friends' faces paraded through his mind. So many gone. All he could do was try to pick up the slack, to honor their memories as fully as possible, and to exact revenge on the godsforsaken bastards who had caused their deaths. Tonight he had managed the one who had killed Mardic and Donnie, but he only felt a hollow sort of emptiness. He couldn't bring them back, no matter how he missed them – he shuddered involuntarily to think of the necromancer he'd just dealt with. No. He would never stoop so low. But it didn't mean he didn't still feel their loss like a permanent ache. Who else would he lose before this was all over?

 _:I'm still here, Chosen.:_ said Yfandes into his mind. She turned her head and nuzzled his hair affectionately. _:I swore when I Chose you that I would never leave you, and I never will.:_

Vanyel reached up a hand to scratch her on one of her favorite spots, between her eyes. _:You can't promise that, though. You're just as susceptible to swords and arrows and murderous curses as anyone.:_

She pulled slightly away from his fingers so she could look at him more clearly with one sapphire-blue eye. If she could have spoken aloud, her words could not have been more pointed. _:I. Will. Never. Leave. You. Not ever.:_

Vanyel tried hard not to think of Gala – surely she had made a similar promise to 'Lendel when she'd Chosen him? – but he also knew his situation was completely different. Rationally, he knew that Yfandes would protect him with every breath she had, just as he would for her, and that therefore, if one of them was killed, the situation would probably be dire enough that they would both soon be gone. Still, he found grief unexpectedly knotting his throat as he thought of all the losses he'd suffered already. The idea of losing 'Fandes, too, was unbearable.

_:Stand up straight, Chosen.:_

Vanyel straightened from where he'd been leaning against her warm, solid side, currying brush dangling forgotten from his fingers. _:What?:_

Yfandes eyed the rotting hay in the corner of the abandoned barn where they'd taken shelter, then sighed. _:I know it's better than all those times we've been out in the elements, but I will still be incredibly thankful once we can have proper shelter again.:_ She picked her way carefully across the dilapidated barn floor, then slowly lowered herself onto the hay, folding her legs up beneath her far more gracefully than anything horse-shaped had a right to do. _:All right. Now you can come lean on me again.:_

Vanyel blinked, his tired brain taking a moment to process what she was offering, before he realized. Yfandes often lent her warmth to him in cold weather, but she didn't often cuddle with him just because he was emotionally overwrought. He took a moment to fish in one of the saddlebags for his cloak and the hunk of stale bread he'd been saving, then trudged across the barn to her. It was absurdly easy to let gravity take over as he practically collapsed to the ground, draping himself against her warm side. It wasn't a replacement for human affection, but it was all he had right now. He sometimes wondered if he would ever experience affection beyond the boundaries of friendship ever again. _Not if I continue to spend all my time frolicking through the Karsite countryside, pretending to be five Herald Mages instead of one. I can barely manage the time and energy to cozy up to my Companion, much less another person._

Breathing in Yfandes's familiar scent, he settled down and arranged the cloak over himself. Her magic-fueled warmth would make a blanket almost unnecessary, but he needed whatever comfort he could get at the moment. 

_:We'll make it through, Vanyel, just like always.:_

Despite his exhaustion and mood, Vanyel smiled into the growing darkness. _:You always seem to know exactly what I need to hear.:_

 _:Oh, not always,:_ she replied, whuffing a little into his hair. _:We've had our disagreements over the years, you and I.:_

Vanyel gnawed at the hard chunk of bread in his hand. It was beyond dry and completely tasteless, but mercifully free of mold, which made it practically a feast. _:You mean like the way you think_ The Shepherd's Flute _is "one of the most beautiful ballads" you've ever heard, while I think it's just a piece of mindless drivel?:_

The soothing warm breath in his hair turned to pain as she took a few strands in her teeth and tugged. _:I was thinking more of the way you wanted to take the western path around Horn but I wanted to take the eastern one, even though it was more treacherous footing. You argued a lot about that, before we finally settled on the eastern route.:_

 _:You were right,:_ Vanyel replied simply, as Yfandes let go of his hair. _:You usually are. I just had to work through my stubbornness, first.:_

_:Stubborn? You?:_

Vanyel propped himself up on his elbow and smacked her lightly on the shoulder. "Shut up, horse," he said, momentarily forgetting to Mindspeak.

_:Being stubborn isn't always a bad thing, you know. It's kept you alive – more than once.:_

_:And it's put me at risk, more than once, too:_ he replied, biting off another rock-hard bit of bread. He tried not to think about the times he'd stuck to his 'Valdir' act past the point of common sense, past the point when he should have disappeared back into Vanyel. With his free hand he began mindlessly drawing in the floorboard dust with one finger as he chewed.

 _:Chosen, look at me,:_ Yfandes gently commanded.

He raised his eyes from where he'd been staring at his "drawing" without really seeing it. _:Hmmm?:_

One huge sapphire eye bored into his. _:We are none of us perfect, you know,:_ she said. _:Not even Companions. All we can do is give our best, with whatever resources we have.:_

Vanyel sighed. _:I know that, 'Fandes. I've known that since the Cold Drake. Don't you think—:_

 _:You're always so hard on yourself,:_ she interrupted. _:If Jaysen were here, or Savil, or Tantris, would you be so critical of them?:_

He shook his head. Of course he wouldn't. 

_:And, Van,:_ she went on, _:when I mentioned our previous disagreements, I wasn't trying to be critical. I only meant to show that I don't always manage to say the right thing.:_

 _:But you do,:_ he protested, brushing wayward crumbs off his cloak and hoping no vermin would come crawling after them as he slept. _:Take your example: we might have argued, but in the end, you said exactly what I needed to hear – the safest way around Horn.:_

Her mind-voice took on a doubtful tone. _:I suppose, but there were better ways I could have done it.:_

 _:Perhaps,:_ he conceded. _:But all that matters is that you were looking out for me when I needed it most, just as you have every day since you Chose me. In fact, your first act as my Companion – and your second act, and possibly your third—was to save my life – even when I didn't want it saved.:_

She lowered her eyelids in remembered sorrow. _:It is not how I would have chosen to start our relationship, I admit. Are you sorry I saved you?:_

 _:Hellfires, no!:_ Vanyel couldn't bear for Yfandes to spend even a moment worrying about that. _:You gave me purpose – you and Savil, Starwind and Moondance. You gave me a home.:_

_:You were already ensconced at the Collegium before we met.:_

_:It was just a place I was living, it wasn't home.:_ All right, it had felt more like home after he and 'Lendel had bonded—Vanyel clamped down on the surge of emotion that threatened to close his throat— but it had still been more the Herald trainee's home than his. Once Yfandes had Chosen him, though, and he'd returned from the Tayledras lands with his Whites, it had truly felt like home, far more than Forst Reach ever had. _:Don't ever think I'm sorry to have you, and to have become a Herald-Mage.:_

_:You wouldn't be drinking mud and eating food that's really only fit for rats. You wouldn't be living in a war zone, trying to be five people at once.:_

Vanyel sighed. _:True. I won't deny I'm reaching the point of total exhaustion. But I still wouldn't trade my life with you for anything.:_ He gave a tired chuckle. _:Besides, who would have imagined that people would have written songs about me one day? Even if the songwriters do insist on calling me ridiculous things like 'Shadowstalker' and 'Demonsbane.':_

_:After your performance last month, you can add 'Hero of Stony Tor' to the list.:_

Vanyel groaned. _:Wonderful. And where did you hear that?:_

Yfandes' ears twitched again in what looked suspiciously like humor. _:Tyril told me. Herald-Courier Joren's Companion,:_ she added, at Vanyel's blank look. 

_:Right.:_ Joren had made the long trek south a week or two ago, bringing messages from the capital, staying locally long enough for Vanyel to compose responses before he and his Companion – Tyril, apparently – headed back. _:The bards didn't waste any time, did they?:_

 _:They never do. I think_ Demonsbane Triumphant _took even less time to make the rounds.:_

Vanyel groaned. _:And to think I once wanted to be one of them.:_

_:I know it was once the dearest ambition of your heart.:_

_:Not anymore,:_ he said, chuckling ruefully. He snuggled in deeper against Yfandes' shoulder. _:Thank you, my dear,:_ he added, after a long moment.

He could almost hear the mental equivalent of a raised eyebrow in her voice. _:For what?:_

_:For getting me out of my own head for a little bit . I was so focused on what I've lost recently that I also lost sight of what was most important.:_

_:Which is?:_

_:You,:_ he answered simply. _:I won't deny that the losses still hurt – the friends dead and gone…:_ He swallowed thickly, remembering Mardic, Donnie, Elspeth … _Tylendel_ … and so many more – _:…but you were right. Again. As long as I have you, I know I'll be all right in the end.:_

Yfandes whuffed gently into his hair one last time before laying her head down against the rotting hay. _:Good night, Chosen. I love you.:_

Vanyel felt himself succumbing to his physical and emotional exhaustion. "'Night, 'Fandes," he mumbled, as Mindspeaking suddenly became too mental much effort. "I love you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> Aansero, I focused mostly on the Yfandes prompt, but I did try to squeeze in a Valdir reference for you. :-) Hope you like - and happy Yuletide!


End file.
